vivdunstan

Absolutely brilliant Capercaillie gig tonight in Perth. Huge thanks to all the band, celebrating 40 years together. Karen Matheson’s voice was sublime as always. But I loved how their strength as an instrumental Scottish folk group was also highlighted. Normally accordionist me is glued to Donald Shaw’s virtuoso playing. Thanks muchly from an old timer for playing Calum’s Road! But tonight I was most wowed by Charlie McKerron‘s fiddle playing. I’m a very long lapsed fiddler too, and his playing was epic. Absolutely brilliant treat. All the best for the remaining concerts.

It was a really big step for us to go to this, since the start of Covid, and how much iller I’ve got neurologically in recent years. But it went brilliantly, and we’re so very grateful to have been able to go. Both of us have loved Capercaillie’s music since 1989/90. We last saw them in concert in Edinburgh in 1997 or 1998. Seeing them again was special.

Until Christmas I was blogging here once a week through the complete Sherlock Holmes short stories and the audio adventures of Doctor Who spinoff series Bernice Summerfield. I paused them over Christmas, and then since the start of the year have been totally felled neurologically, and for the last week extra ill with a cold probably picked up at the V&A Dundee the Friday before. Though testing negative for flu and Covid. And I'm glad I'm not much iller. But that on top of the neurological illness flare is just too much to cope with.

I'm hoping to get back to both the Sherlock Holmes and Benny (Bernice Summerfield) marathons soon. I am really enjoying rereading the Sherlock Holmes stories and writing up my thoughts after. And similarly listening to the Benny audios, many for the first time for me though not all, and writing up thoughts after. Setting myself the weekly challenge of reading/listening to these and blogging about them turned out to be huge fun, and helped me keep going, and engage with them more deeply. I am keen to resume. But will only do so when I'm stronger. But hopefully not too far off ...

This is going to be full of spoilers, so I recommend only reading after you've seen the episode, or if you're sure you won't be watching it. ( spoilers ... )

Pleased that my temperature has stabilised finally 6 days after my latest double vaccines. It's continued swinging for ages, though I was feeling much less fragile overall by Monday afternoon. My arms are still sore, but improving a lot too. Enormously grateful to have got my protection. Even as I expect a very nasty and prolonged post Covid vaccine auto immune neurological illness flare to start shortly 🙁 But got my protection!

Back to the Urban Crow deck, and as usual my 3-card past/present/future spread.

Play / Anomaly / Anticipation.

There could be lots of interpretations of these cards. But looking at them I'm immediately reminded that I'm in a brief phase of slightly better health at the moment, and about to go very very downhill again in a few weeks time. So I've been having fun, and trying to make the most of it. Albeit hampered by my failed experimental immunosuppression dose change from May. Which still needs a few weeks to resolve itself since the dose went back in September (it takes up to 12 weeks to show the full effects).

Admittedly I've had post Covid vaccine flares so many times (9/9, with my 10th Covid vaccine due in a couple of weeks) that it's hardly an "anomaly" in my life! But it is still phenomenally disrupting each time, very distressing, leaving me extra incapacitated with devastating increased neurological symptoms for 3 long months at a time. It's a never-ending rollercoaster. But not one I'm willing to get off. I want my vaccine protection too much, and severely immunosuppressed me really needs it to get through Covid ok. Which we keep catching.

On plus I've got Christmas looming in the next few months, and that's what the last card today shouts out to me. I am not religious - was brought up vaguely Church of Scotland, but I've been agnostic for many years. I take after my Dad re this. However I love the mid winter festival that is Christmas, and the sense of snuggling down, in the warmth, with good food, and celebrations. So that's something to look forward to. Even if I will still be neurologically flaring very badly then.

This year we can also look forward to our annual pre-Christmas rewatch of 1984's TV Box of Delights being the new next month Blu-ray remastered version. So that will be a treat to carry us through to Christmas too.

Another 3-card past/present/future spread, using the Urban Crow oracle deck. And musings on how these might relate to my current circumstances.

Warning makes me think again of the increasing signs I've had in the last few weeks that my neurological disease was going out of control. Even as I should be improving a little, as I was coming out of my latest 3-month-long post Covid vaccine neuro flare. I have now noticed these, and am alert to them. And will decide whether to re-raise my strong immunosuppression drug in 6 weeks time, if not sooner.

There isn't anything otherwise bad happening to me that can be linked to Mischief. I'm more minded by seeing it that I need to have playful fun, despite everything. So I'd like to take that as a reminder that I need to make an effort to have good mischief in my life too. And that's something I can do something about.

Gifts is a reminder of my upcoming birthday (a pack of playing cards birthday as I like to think of it!). I know that Martin has been getting some things in for me this week. He is also arranging a gigantic fudge doughnut cake again from Fisher & Donaldson, at my request. Though this year he will need to pick it up in person from the city centre shop. They no longer do local home deliveries.

Martin's doing good. His Covid symptoms this time around are way less severe than his ongoing recurring bouts of Long Covid symptoms! I still have a bad throat (though cough is improving), and often want to curl up in bed even more than my normal. But still officially negative. Though Martin's sure I have it too. I think I'd be iller. But currently doing way better than we might be.

Martin has only an extremely faint positive today. And is feeling good. Though overnight he had extreme disco/sparkly visual effects, and a throat like a dagger in it. But good today. I am still testing negative. Though I may yet catch it from him, and get iller. But we are doing good for now. He is going to be working on the computer in the study today, and working from home all week.

He was masked up almost all the time we were in St Andrews on Friday, including in queues for the Cheesy Toast Shack and Jannettas. Both queues were phenomenally busy, and there were some scary coughs among the queuers. The first queue was outdoors, but unbelievably busy. The second queue was a mix of outdoors and indoors. So my theory now is that Martin probably picked it up in one of the queues (he hadn't been out of our house for over a week before). Which I was not queuing in. So I may yet catch Covid from him. And would, if I test positive, decide whether to ask for Paxlovid antivirals (very few people can get Paxlovid in the UK, but being severely immunosuppressed I am eligible). But if we're lucky it won't come to that ...

I'm trying to remember to make time for this each week. To randomly draw a simple past/present/future 3-card spread of the Urban Crow oracle cards which I got recently. And find very easy to work with/interpret.

As usual, I'm using them as a tool to reflect on my situation and circumstances. And think about where I am and what I want to do. I am not using them in a predictive kind of way.

Here is today's spread. With thoughts/comments after the picture.



The middle card, Freedom, was lovely to see. I am currently newly in a better patch in between my recurring rollercoaster of post Covid vaccine neurological autoimmune disease flares. I've had these flares 9 times now, after every Covid vaccine (I get, and need, a lot of Covid vaccines because I am severely immunosuppressed). Each time I am even more ill for up to 3 months, with phenomenally increased sedation, headaches, arm and leg loss of control, and increased bladder incontinence. Many people wouldn't put up with this. But I'm not willing to sacrifice my much needed Covid vaccine protection. And I know I am generating good antibodies from each one.

So I'm in a better patch, for the next couple of months. After that I will get my 10th Covid vaccine, and be iller again for another 3 months. I will just cope. Plus my neurological disease is still progressing, and leaves me severely disabled, even in the better patches. But that progression is slow. And that's partly why I'm still here 30 years into living with this illness!

So yes, this is a time of relative freedom for me, and I want to make the most of it. Maybe get more things done, including the academic journal papers and research projects I am working on sporadically. And maybe get out more with Martin, to have fun.

The left card, reflecting the past, is Anomaly, which can be a problem, or something out of the ordinary, or other interpretations. It's making me think of my latest Covid vaccine flare more than my long-term neurological disease. A devastating neurological flare which has run from early May to early August. And it does tie in with Freedom.

The rightmost card, reflecting looking ahead, is Caching. Which again fits nicely with where I am. I want, in this short better patch, to make new valuable memories, and get things done I can look back on in future. So I want to make the most of this time, in a way I can look back on happily when I'm much iller again.

An interesting draw anyway, and some nice things to think about.

Meanwhile re Freedom, today is the start of the Glasgow Worldcon, and I have digital streaming access thanks to my attending ticket. I won't be watching much live, but hope to see one talk later today. And catch up on even more in the coming weeks and months. I also have Oxonmoot to look forward to in a few weeks. Again with a digital ticket. And ditto for the Edinburgh Book Festival. Streaming has been transformational for me.

So phenomenally sedated at the moment - this has been going on for many weeks in the latest bout, but recurring for many years, if not decades. It's like I've taken a strong tranquilliser. And as if there's a curtain shutting down in my brain. I finally struggle up for dinner, very sleepy, then back to bed after. Thank goodness I don't have much to do! I do have a game to finish off for IFComp in the next few weeks. But that is final polishing. I started coding early for very good reason ... But yup, could do without this.

And yes, we know why this happens to me, with my progressive neurological disease and also recurring post Covid vaccine neuro flares. Throwing more treatment at it doesn't seem to help. It's just where I am, and it's getting worse. But hey, lucky to be here after 30 years of this. Just don't want to sleep all the time ...